Hello everyone. I have decided to write this post in light of my shifting emotions in my current state.

I am a first-year college student, out-of-state. Because of this, I couldn't bring my computer with me. Now, I've been gaming for a decent while. Started in TF2, went to CSGO, blah blah blah, got to Valorant. Until I left for college, I had my fair share of highs and lows, clutch moments and failures, winner's queue and loser's queue. However, I never could have expected the effects of not being able to play anymore.

A few weeks in, I'm doing fine, getting adapted to the lifestyle, etc. I seriously thought that I could live my life without touching a keyboard and mouse and clicking on the heads of noobs on Haven. After a few months, however, I was mentally breaking down. I cried almost every night until winter break, having nightmares of being in a Brimstone ult or getting stabbed to death while detained by a Killjoy ult. It was a terrible experience, being so far away from my gaming station. On top of that, I had to do some academic stuff, but that work was pretty useless anyway so I just skipped them. When I was able to go home for winter break, I Jett dashed towards my computer and stayed there for the entirety of the holiday. I just couldn't force myself to leave my chair after being away for around three months. Every moment was pure bliss, pure satisfaction that I had gone so long without. Unfortunately, this short-lived stint was eventually crushed by the second semester. I had sweated so much in the competitive games that I was glued to my chair. My parents had to use a saw to peel me away from my chair. I was screaming and crying like a little baby as I left my house and went back to college.

Since then, I've truly felt the effects of withdrawal. I've lost at least 15 pounds through cold sweat and tears, I can barely stay outside for more than 5 minutes, and my brain is constantly in Astral form. I am unable to start a discussion with anyone without yelling, "Joke's over, you're dead" or "You wanna play, let's play." All my days are spent daydreaming about being a complete sweaty tryhard in competitive, grinding my way to top 1 radiant NA while instalocking Yoru. I saw the Yoru buffs, new skins, and reworks to the maps, and started having rapid flashbacks to my glory days of Valorant. Right now, I'm currently on the floor, shaking, curled up, writing this message with one finger while playing Die For You in the background.

For those who read this all the way through, please understand this: Valorant addiction and withdrawal is real. And it is no laughing matter.