Context: I often find myself opting for default mute when solo queuing in competitive games. The disadvantages simply outweigh the advantages (although I compensate by utilizing pings and in-game callouts). Unfortunately, being a woman in the gaming community often exposes me to a lot of unnecessary flak.

Just recently, I had a ranked game in a silver lobby where our team found ourselves trailing the opponents 2-10 during the first half. Surprisingly, I was top fragging as Fade, while our duelist trio—Neon, Jett, and Reyna—struggled to make an impact. Hoping to foster better teamwork and coordination, I decided to turn on team voice chat. Little did I know what awaited me.

The three duelists launched a verbal assault, hurling slurs and uttering unholy phrases. They accused me of using utility solely for my own benefit, insinuating that I prioritized kills over team play. Jett, in a fit of anger, even suggested I take my own life, resorting to the standard toxicity we often encounter. Despite my attempts to explain that my topfragging was unintentional and that this is just a game, the silent Viper typed a dismissive "then just go play unrated, fuck off." Chaos ensued, with accusations flying in all directions, turning the team voice chat into a complete mess.

However, something unexpected happened in the second half of the game. We started winning rounds, even securing some clutches that had the entire team cheering. In an astonishing turn of events, we managed to snatch a 15-13 victory in overtime. By the end of it, the insults had transformed into camaraderie, with everyone calling each other "brothers" and expressing heartfelt sentiments like "I love you" and "you are the best player." Strangely enough, instead of feeling triumphant, I left the game trembling like a leaf, not quite feeling like a winner.

Toxicity and encountering peculiar individuals in Valorant are something I've grown accustomed to, but this experience left a lingering unease within me.