Brim main #1: He locks Brimstone even as someone else is hovering a controller who is currently meta. Your team raises concern, but he is firm in the face of scrutiny. He coordinates his weapon choice with his smoke strategy. He headshots a duelist in the first 3 seconds of the round. He knows everywhere to throw his stim and swing. He knows every molly lineup. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word lurk and he doesn’t have to. He just swung a 1v4 with perfect spray transfer. He just top fragged on the way to a 13-5 victory. He’s on the way to your crush’s house. He cooks them a roast to perfection, and even made sure to make extra so your crush could take leftovers to work in the morning. They’re going to bed. You know you’ve lost your chance at love. But before they turn off the lights… what’s this!? He’s in your lobby again. He just beat you on the flank with a Bucky. You uninstall the game and join a monastery.

Brim main #2: He’s playing for the first time because he finally gave up on the bot lobbies in CS:GO. He just got his s%@& rocked by a spooky ghost boy standing on top of a box behind him.