I play valorant, I am gold.

I play valorant with a online friend and he's good. Im a decent player but recently everytime I play with him I do bad. This cycles every time I take a break from playing valorant. Each time I blame it on me not playing enough, me not practicing enough, me just being bad and making bad decisions. I have a new theory this time, every time I make a mistake, he gives me shit for it, he points out that Im trash. More recently, hes been playfully telling me to kill myself at random and being racist, I know that that sounds like a obvious red flag but I cant argue with him because I play absolutely horridly. I dont know if I should stop playing with him but I dont have anyone else I can play with. We play other games and I enjoy those games cuz im not in constant pressure of being inferior to him. I dont know what Im looking for, maybe its reassurance or advice on what to do.