I have such an ingrained habit in me to view my own gameplay negatively that I struggle to enjoy this game anymore. I want to play, but it upsets me to be the reason my team will lose the game all the time, and even when I do well, it doesn't really feel like I 'earned' it, if that makes sense. I feel like it started out as me not wanting to get an ego and flame teammates so I started looking inward at my own gameplay, but now all I see is my own mistakes that I can't focus on anything else. I can tell how annoying it is for my friends to hear too, but I just can't stop myself. It's not like I got to high elo or anything, but I feel like playing with friends better than me boosted me to the rank I am, and now I don't really know what to do about it without just straight up losing people games playing on my own.

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I'd really appreciate some advice for this. I think my mental is probably my biggest drawback as a player, both in terms of performance and enjoying the game, so I hope to be able to improve it soon.