Back in Ep 1, I was pretty sweaty on this game. I did aim training, warm up routines, VOD reviews, etc. almost every day. I had a goal of reaching diamond and I finally did after three acts, peaking at diamond 2. After that, I lost most of my motivation to play because I knew I wasn't capable of hitting immortal and I got sidetracked playing the Witcher 3. After months of not playing and keeping tabs on competitive Valorant, I got the itch to play again. However, my MMR still puts me with players who are P2-D2 and I always bottom frag. It's not even the case of "bottom fragging but still being beneficial to the team", I feel that I am absolutely worthless even playing as sentinels or controllers and that every kill is somewhat lucky. I feel that I probably have the skill of a low gold but I'm still barely losing RR even after multiple losses in a row, so it would take me many games to get there. Now, I can't have fun in competitive like I used to. I get the shakes and feel extreme stress the whole time to do well, even though that obviously hinders my ability to relax and click heads.

Basically, I want to hear your opinion. Should I play competitive knowing that I'm going to be a detriment to the team? I get flamed pretty hard for it, which subconsciously affects my play even after I mute them. I know that people care deeply about their rank (I used to be one of those people) so I've thought about playing unrated but it doesn't give me that juicy dopamine from winning like competitive does. I could make a second account to get my skills back but that could take a long time and I wouldn't get to use my skins. Or, should I just say "fuck it we ball" and play competitive knowing I'll temporarily lead my teammates to lose games?

Edit: typos